Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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