somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
