How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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