tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
