At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
