just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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