"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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