how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
