He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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