It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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