Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
