i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
