Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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