yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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