i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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