Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
