We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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