Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
