I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
