he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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