Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
