i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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