got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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