Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
