what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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