sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?