I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts