She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday