at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.