i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.