In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST