i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
babies were throwing up all over the place
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
