Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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