Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
