Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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