Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
