sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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