I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
