They should really pass out barf bags in church
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can I color on your dick again?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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