I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
