She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
