fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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