He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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