Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
