Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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