you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I believe in your delicious
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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