my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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