Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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