i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
