Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
