then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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