I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There are leaves in my underwear?
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