I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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