Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
