The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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