Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
