Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
