You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
