i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
