she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
