Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
