I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
