Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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