It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
time to smoke my breakfast
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
