Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
MIDGETS
????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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