i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
