On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
