I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
