dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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