I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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