It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
