Define "chronic" masturbator.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
