he thought i was a dude.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
