this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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