The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
