shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
