At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
