So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
