Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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