you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
