If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
