you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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